


Dungeons and Dumbasses (AKA the Boys all play a Masato-Made DnD campaign for Shining Entertainment)

by LunaOnMars



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Dungeons and Dragons, I'm actually rolling dice for probability and shit, I've never played DnD but I've seen a few campaigns so I kinda know what I'm doing, Mild OoC, Other, Script Format, Spiders, Tabletopping, Tags to be added, horrible dice rolls, rocks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 05:59:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14784827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaOnMars/pseuds/LunaOnMars
Summary: Dungeons and Dragons except it's split into two parties partaking in the same campaign. With Masato as the DMParty 1 consists of:ReijiRenSyoRanmaru& CamusParty 2:AiTokiyaOtoyaCecil& Natsuki





	Dungeons and Dumbasses (AKA the Boys all play a Masato-Made DnD campaign for Shining Entertainment)

**Author's Note:**

> General Info to know about the guy's characters:  
> Class- Race- In-game name  
> Party one:  
> Syo- Paladin-Asaimar- Luken  
> Ren- Sorcerer- Half Elf- Elovar Theron  
> Reiji- Bard- Gensai - Flint Coal  
> Camus-Cleric- human- Zei  
> Ranmaru- Barbarian-Goliath- Vakan Mingae
> 
>  
> 
> Party 2:  
> Otoya- Ranger-Dragonborn- Frox Doldre  
> Cecil-Druid-Tiefling- Zerris  
> Natsuki-Monk-Elf- Feilen  
> Tokiya- Rogue-Half orc- Sed  
> Ai-Warlock-Human- Abel Yiy
> 
> -The whole thing is written in a script forgot to feel more like an actual DnD session
> 
> General Key
> 
> “'- In character talk
> 
> ()- Irl actions
> 
> "()"- In character actions
> 
> Regular text: talking ooc

 

Masato: You wake up in a cave with no recollection of anything besides your name. You look around and-

Reiji: Roll to recall my past

Masato: You can’t just-

Reiji: (rolls an 18)

Masato: (dumbfounded) You manage to recall your entire backstory.

Reiji: Which is?

Masato: You’re a wanted criminal. Half of the continent is trying to hunt you down.

Reiji: Good thing I remembered that.

Masato: You hear footsteps. They grow louder as they get closer to you.

Reiji: Can I hide?

Masato: It’s a cave.

Reiji: There has to be a rock I can hide behind.

Masato: Fine you can hide behind a rock.

Reiji: Neat.

Masato: Two unfamiliar figures approach you-

Reiji: I draw my weapon

Masato: You don’t have a weapon. You have a mandolin.

Reiji: I draw my mandolin.

Masato: You draw your mandolin and point it at the two emerging figures, one a man fully dressed in armor with a shield almost as tall as him-

Ren: Short.

Syo: Luken is not short! The shield is large!

Masato: (clears throat) and walking alongside the armored figure is-

Ren: A tall, dashing man in lavishing robes.

Masato: Can you let me finish? Alongside the figure is another man dressed in long robes. You notice the one in armor carrying a map. Perhaps they’re in the cave looking for something?  
  
Reiji: I get up from behind the rock and point my mandolin at them.

Masato: (facepalms)

Ren: “Who’s there?”

Reiji: What was my name again?

Masto: Flint.

Reiji: “Flint”

Syo: “Are you here in search of the legendary blade as well?”

Reiji: Am I?

Ren: Didn’t you remember your whole backstory?

Masato: You’re there looking for the sword. During your sudden recollection of your entire life story, you remember getting attacked by a monster in this room of the cave.

Reiji: “You guys might want to be careful. There’s a monster in here.”

Syo: “Then why are you here? You don’t seem to have any weapons on you.”

Reiji: “You see my good man- that is where you are wrong.” I show-of my mandolin.

Syo: “That’s just an instrument.”

Ren: “Luken- can’t you see that this traveler is a bard. A man masterful in the arts of music. I believe introductions are in due. I am Elovar Theron. (Pause) Oh, will you share with us a song of rejuvenation

Reiji: “I think I know that one” Do I know that one?

Masato: N-

Syo: Roll for it

Reiji:( rolls 8)

Masato: You do not know a song of rejuvenation. But you do know how to play an octave.

Reiji: Better than I expected.

Masato: Upon playing your mandolin. You all feel a rattle in the cave. Rocks fall from above, and the ground begins to crack. You feel an ever impending doom lurk over you.

Syo: Is there a giant spider?

Ren: It’s probably a giant spider.

Masato:…

Syo: It’s a giant spider.

Masato: (sighs) A giant spider walks in through the entrance.

Syo: Called it!

Masato: After the monster enters it frantically runs to the other side of the room and begins throwing boulders towards the party-

Reiji: I was using those as cover!

Masato: The monster seems to be trying to block off the opening to the room-

Syo: It’s trapping us in before it tries to kill us!

Masato: Before the entrance is completely blocked off two figures sprinting in. One a goliath wielding a broad axe, and the other a cleric with a staff in hand. The second the two enter the monster lets out a terrified cry; clearly, it is terrified of the two people who just entered.

Ranmaru: “Hey get back here you oversized bug!”

Camus: It’s a spider.

Ranmaru: (glares at Camus with the expression of “Don’t fucking start”)

Ren: “Elovar Theron-pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Syo: “Now’s not the time for introductions!”

Reiji: What spells do I know?

Masato: You have, Dancing Lights, True Strike, and Minor Illusion.

Reiji: I cast Dancing Lights. (Rolls a 16)

Masato: There are now ten small white lights scattered around the room. The monster lets out another bloodcurdling scream. It seemed to be scared of the lights.

Reiji: Can I cast it again?

Masato: No.

Ren: I cast Fire Bolt at the spider. (Rolls a 20, laughs)

Masato: Instead of a standard ball of fire- You cast a streak of flames that scorch the enemy. The beast is now on fire and looks like it is on the verge of dying.

Syo: I lunge at the monster with my great sword. (Rolls a 20) Yo!

Masato: (Trying to hide disappointment) Your action was meant to be a simple jab with your sword, you jump into the air and release a fury of attacks onto the beast Reducing it to microscopic pieces.

Syo: Sweet!

Ranmaru: We didn’t get to do anything.

Masato: They got two criticals back to back and instantly discovered it’s weakness. What am I supposed to do? Let it live?

Camus: This isn’t fun. (Stands up ready to leave)

Reiji: You can’t leave Myu-chan! We need a healer in the party!

Camus: Find someone else.

Ren: Roll for it.

Camus: What.

Ren: Roll for leaving.

Camus: (sighs, rolls a 6)

Ren: Looks like your the party’s cleric.

Camus: (sits back down begrudgingly)

Masato: As the monster was brutally slaughtered. It released a final cry that you could hear echo throughout the cave. Shortly after the beasts death, you could feel the entire cave begin to shake. Similar to the strength of the monster running into the room, this time, it felt more intense.

Syo: I’m calling cave-bats

Ren: Cave-spiders.

Masato: (glares at ren) A sea of 8-legged-

Ren: Knew it.

Masato: 8-legged creatures all scurry into the room from cracks and crevices on the wall. The place is flooding with spiders.

Reiji: I run to the exit.

Masato: Rocks and spiders block the exit.

Ranmaru: I swing my axe at a patch of spiders. (Rolls a 1) Shit.

Masato: You swing your axe and attempt to hit the spiders, but you end up hitting Flint in the face. Then you lose your grip on the axe, and it goes flying across the room. You witness the axe get devoured by the sea of spiders.

Reiji: “Ow! What was that for!”

Ranmaru: “My hand slipped.”

Camus: “Why do I always have to do things myself?” I cast sacred flame. (Rolls a 13)

Masato: You hit a group of spiders that were crawling in through the way you entered. As the rest of you try to keep the insects off of you, the floor begins to fill completely. 6 inches of the floor is full of spiders.

Reiji: I cast minor illusion to make the spiders look like clouds.

Masato: Why?

Reiji: So it’s not as scary! (rolls a 17)

Masato: All the spiders within a 5-foot radius look like clouds. The rest are still spiders.

Syo: I run towards the exit and try to pry away at the rocks to move them so we can escape.

Masato: There are spiders on the rocks.

Syo: I pry at the rocks. (Rolls a 3)

Masato: (Rolls a dice, smirks) As you try to pry at the rocks you feel hundreds upon hundreds of tiny stings on your hands. You suddenly feel an invasive liquid enter your bloodstream.

Syo: I’ve been poisoned.

Ren: You’ve been poisoned.

Syo: What is the poison doing?

Masato: You have no feeling in your hands. They feel like jelly and are repulsively twitching.

Ranmaru: Can I… punch at the spiders?

Masato: You can try.

Ranmaru: (rolls a 7)

Masato: (rolls a dice) The spiders run away from your hand. Only to just flood back over you; though none of them try to bite at you.

Ranmaru: Am I stuck?

Masato: Not really.

Ranmaru: I pull up my hand and shake off the spiders. “I’m out of ideas.”

Ren: “Have no fear. The mighty Sorcerer Elovar Theron shall save all of you.” I cast ray of frost in attempt to freeze the spiders over the exit. (rolls a 6)

Masato: You freeze a small puddle of spiders in the bottom right corner. The room is now littered with a foot of spiders.

Ren: Who’s the shortest of us?

Masato: (starts flipping through character sheets) Flint.

Ren: Who’s the tallest?

Masato: Luken-I know where this is going, and I’m going to stop you.

Reiji: I start playing a tune on my mandolin to lighten the mood. (rolls a 10)

Masato: There are still spiders crawling all over you, but you play a decent tune.

Ranmaru: Do the spiders still look like clouds?

Masato: Yes.

Ranmaru: Can I try to-

Masato: Please do not say you’re going to try to eat the spiders because they look like cotton candy.

Camus: I start trying to stomp on the spiders. (rolls a 15)

Masato: You stomp and kill around 50 spiders with every stomp. They’re all still flooding in.

Syo: I can’t do anything! My hands are paralyzed.

Ren: We can use you as spider bait.

Syo: No!

Ranmaru: I go over to the exit and try to move the rocks (rolls a 9)

Masato: (rolls a dice) You feel spiders bite at you, but they have no effect. In fact, the spiders all move away from your hand after trying to bite you. You manage to push the most massive boulder and create a small opening. Sadly no one in the party is small enough to get through. The room is almost 2 feet deep of spiders.

Ren: I try Ray of Frost again. (rolls a 12)

Masato: Half of the large bounder is now covered in frozen spiders.

Camus: I keep stepping on the spiders. (rolls a 14)

Masato: More spiders die beneath your boots.

Syo: I uhhhh kick? At the spiders. (rolls a 20)

Masato: (eyes widen) You kick at the spiders, sending massive waves of the small black spots flying across the room. But your heroic urges kick in, and you’re unsatisfied with just kicking. You start throwing punches at the insects and with pure strength alone you send the venom right out of your fists back at the spiders.

Syo: Can I try and help open an exit?

Masato: With that 20 you can try, but roll for it.

Syo: (rolls an 11)

Masato: You move the boulder enough to create an exit that you can all fit through,

Syo: I sprint through the exit

Ranmaru: I run though

Ren: I walk to the exit at a brisk pace

Reiji: I run over still playing the mandolin, but this time I’m playing a more powerful tune.

Camus: I follow the rest of them.

—-

Masato: The 5 of you emerge from the cave and reach the outside. A meadow filled with luxurious grass and serene wildlife greet your eyes. The sky shines a familiar blue as there is not a cloud in the sky. There is a small village over the hill to your right, and a path leading to a forest. You can hear the spiders start to chase after you.

Ranmaru: “Where are we going?”

Syo: “I say the village.”

Reiji: “I say we make a choice fast.”

Ren: “Village it is!” I start running towards the village.

Masato: (looks mildly panicked) You all start running towards the village. Upon arrival, you see the place is quite lively. The streets bursting with life. All walks of life seem to be communing in harmony with no signs of conflict. There seems to be a marketplace located in the center of the village.

Ranmaru: I run to the market and look for a blacksmith that can sell me an axe.

Masato: You have no money.

Ranmaru: I look for a blacksmith that has an axe on display and try to steal it.

Masato: Roll.

Ranmaru: (Rolls a 2, sighs)

Masato: The blacksmith turns to you and glares “You tryin to steal my work?”

Ranmaru: “No. I was just looking at it.”

Masato: Roll for bluff.

Ranmaru: (rolls a 6)

Masato: The blacksmith narrows his eyes and goes back to work.

Ranmaru: I put down the axe and sprint away.

Masato: You regroup with the party.

Reiji: “I believe we should all formally introduce ourselves. It seems like after that ordeal we’re destined to be a band of adventurers.”

Camus: “What makes you think I’ll willingly work with any of you. I went into that cave in hopes of finding the divine blade. Then stumbled upon this- (looks at Ranmaru) idiot on the verge of death within the cave. We agreed to work together to help me retrieve the sword, but fate had other plans.”

Ren: “I may have already introduced myself. But for those who forgot I am- I am Elovar Theron. A noble sorcerer from an unknown land across the sea.”

Reiji: “Flint Coal.”

(Everyone at the table except Masato turn to Reiji with mild disappointment)

Syo: “I’m Luken. Feel free just to call me Luke.”

Ranmaru: “Names Vanak Mingae”

Camus: “None of you are worthy of knowing my name-“

Ranmaru: “He’s Zei”

Ren: “Now that we’ve all introduced ourselves let’s find a tavern and-“

Masato: Not so fast. As the party was conversing in the town’s center, a familiar shake carries the earth. A loud scream can be heard from one of the villagers towards the northern side of town which erupt into more cries from other villagers. Men, Women, and Children all flee into their homes. A sea of black overtakes the town. Everything is devoured and destroyed. Villagers that remained outsides are bitten and consumed by the sea of monsters.

Syo: I think we would have covered the cave entrance…

Camus: I start running away from the party and the monsters towards the southern part of town.

Masato: There’s a river that way.

Camus: I jump into the river and swim across.

Masato: I assume the rest of you do the same?

(They nod)

Masato: Everyone Roll.

(Ren: 7  
Syo: 9  
Reiji: 14  
Ranmaru: 1  
Camus: 16)

Masato: Elovar, Luken, Flint, and Zei all swim across the water just fine. But the second Vanak gets into the water he sinks.

Reiji: I play my mandolin to try and encourage him to swim better. (Rolls a 19)

Masato: Suddenly Vanak is seen rising above the water and is swimming upon the surface at a godlike speed. Upon reaching the shore, you all see a continuation of the meadow from when you left the cave. You turn back and see the village entirely overrun by spiders. Screams and cries of innocent civilians fill the air as they are all helplessly slaughtered.

Ren: What do you want us to do? We can’t kill all of them.

Masato: Think ahead next time. Don’t be incompetent morons.

Reiji: “Where are we going next?”

Syo: “No clue.”


End file.
